Blow up ‘my’ Outside World.

Let me take you down this journey through Tarot and a beloved song, of tragic times and a courage to continue on, finding true love and loosing it again in such a shocking, public and painful way.  Loosing your love, way of life, hopes, dreams for the future, everything worked toward and in such a small amount of time to achieve, you thought, together.. but yet, it all get’s blown away in one single blow. The timing feels so dark so please understand, losing one of the main voices that held my heart and gave me courage through my actual darkest time earlier in my life has hung himself just days ago corresponding with my entrance into another dark grieving time….ML

Video : Blow up the Outside World

“Nothing seem to kill me no matter how hard I try
Nothing is closing my eyes
Nothing can beat me down for your pain or delight
And nothing seems to break me
No matter how hard I fall nothing can break me at all
Not one for giving up though not invincible I know”

5wandsmucha

Five of Wands. Before you .. never having freedom, fighting for freedom Surviving one battle after another. All Fighting. No listening. Just surviving yet always having hopes again, not invisible to pain, but what would I have missed if I gave up that chance with you? ML

Ace of Cups: Meeting a New Love, Two Of Cups: A Loving Relationship

After 8 years single, I was led into a new love with a very strong Leo who offered cherished love, respect, approval and freedom to be myself . He knew me from another lifetime, searched for me for well over a year…soulmates. The beautiful love story unfolded and quickly)

“I’ve givin’ everything I need
I’d give you everything I own
I’d give in if it could at least be ours alone
I’ve given everything I could
To blow it to hell and gone
Burrow down and
Blow up the outside world

2swords

Two of Swords: Ultimatums, Choices not wanting to make, Emotional Withdrawal 

3swordsa

“Someone tried to tell me something
Don’t let the world bring you down?
Nothing will do me in before I do myself
So save it for your own and the ones you can help”

A third sword came into the picture and told me of the treachery that shattered my heart, my self esteem and my belief system into a billion pieces as it was relayed to me to guard my words. Blowing my entire perspective on everything, shattering an entire home structure and family as well as a foundation of love worked so hard to achieve…ML

10cupsmucha

10 of Cups in Reverse; The happy family, and wishes fulfilled are gone ML

“I’ve givin’ everything I need
I’d give you everything I own
I’d give in if it could at least be ours alone
I’ve given everything I could
To blow it to hell and gone
Burrow down and
Blow up the outside world

And just like that, it’s over. I’m not not enough, nothing I can do is enough. Who am I to sacrifice time away from your needs . Needs so strong that they can bring all foundations and love worked so hard for tumbling down in a an instant. ML

tower

“Want to make it understood
Wanting though I never would
Trying though I know it’s wrong
Blowing it to hell and gone
Wishing though I never could

Blow up the outside”

May you rest in peace Chris. Many prayers to all who loved you. Your death has shaken me but I vow to you that I will find that courage again. You’re death is helping me to find that courage again so that your death will not be in vain. I struggle but I WILL continue and find hope for peace, love and joy again. ML

Blow Up the Outside World, Lyrics by Chris Cornell

Soundgarden

Beautiful Tarot Deck

Tarot Mucha

 

 

 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s