An unbelievably tough loss hit my life. Almost 7 weeks ago, my marriage fell apart right after our 2 year wedding anniversary. My heart shattered, my belief system crushed, my life and future, all my hopes and dreams just filleted and left to die in one single instant. Due to our relationship being so public over the years, I went into hiding.
I couldn’t announce it or make changes to my social media status because the onslaught of caring and curious friends was a thought far too overwhelming for me to handle. I couldn’t make sense of this myself. I was as low as low can get. Barely breathing, barely eating, unable to work, think, talk. The lowest of the low…I knew I was alive only because I could hear my heart beating in my ears when my pillow was tossed around my head to close everything out.
The entire past five years of my life very much revolved around my husband and his career. Everything and everyone took a backseat to my relationship with him. How in the world was I to enter life again? The thought completely devastating. Where and who can I turn to? Every friend in my recent history basically entered through my life with him.
Pulling myself out of hiding took place just this week, at over 6 weeks, the loneliness was unbearable. With trepidation I updated my status with “Beauty and the Beast is just a fairy-tale”. That one message caught the attention of the friend’s I needed most. The messages and text began. Taking a deep breath, I dug back into the world of the feminine connection.
In my first day out with the courage to finally speak and actually be seen, I entered the balmy, encouraging, deeply connecting world of female friendships again. In the past, I offered myself easily to friends, but I had a hard time accepting this strength back from others. On this one day, an actual Earth Goddess with the most powerful, soulful voice on the music scene treated me to off the cuff Papaya Mimosas, a deep reprieve sitting among the green beauty of her back yard with the sound of cattle in the field behind her beautiful new property while releasing my pain to someone treating me with such compassion. Compassion I haven’t truly experienced in a very long time.
Several hours later, we sat at her table as I went ahead and read for her. Pulling out my cards and numerology charts, I felt like myself again. The reading was spot on, my connection to source felt vital and completely in line again. As I was leaving, this empathetic and devoted songbird handed me this gift. A watercolor given to her by her own daughter during a rough time. Words cannot express …..
Thank You Gigi. Your thoughtfulness and kindness is tucked into a very significant place in my heart, never to be forgotten. This painting is proudly displayed where memories had to be removed. I’m forever grateful. THERE IS NO NAME FOR ME YET ON EARTH.
This same evening, a very dear friend offered to drive out to my area, a pretty big distance for her after a long day’s work, to treat me to dinner at my favorite restaurant. The most interesting thing about this dinner and time spent together, is that we actually had REAL heart to heart talk. We both bared our hurts, our dreams and so forth for actually the very first time in all the years we have known each other. Don’t get me wrong, we talk. We’ve stayed in constant contact although minimal amounts since before my husband even came into my life. We attended her wedding. I joyously made her wedding cake years back. We’ve stayed up to date with each other’s prominent news and family stuff periodically.
So sitting at this table, holding hands, tears in our eyes, I experienced another very profound and compassionate connection that I’ve been thirsty for, for as long as I’ve been married. I realized that it’s okay to share profound sadness…it’s safe to share this feminine heartbreak. This beautiful soul, who holds her head up high with a smile always touching her face, truly understood this despair and our hearts mended as we shared.
As the mood lightened, I pulled out my charts and worked a mini reading with her. She stopped me suddenly and said “Michelle, I wish you could see how much your eyes just light up, how in your element you are when you’re reading. What a gift! Finally leaving, with big hugs, she gave me the gift of some beautiful colors for my lips for spring to brighten my face. Susan, you brightened my heart.
To these two amazingly strong soul sisters…thank you for your time, transparency, your heart and compassion and gifts on my very first day trying to navigate the outside world again. Your encouragement has given me some strength to find myself, the courage to hold my head up again and to keep trying my hardest to move forward during this time of deep grief.
With devoted loving DIVINE FEMININE friendship,